Best Of 2011

While compiling this list I've realized that things that make me happy, are things that aid in "escape" for me... adventures outside of Utah, seeing thing through the eye of my son, watching friends evolve -living through them. This year has been exhausting, frustrating, and wonderful. Enough that I wanted to capture the greatest things (that I recall) about it.

Here, in no particular order (as of now) is my list...

My very awesome birthday weekend- In which I ran a 1/2 Marathon, had at least two different birthday parties, and then went to the bike prom with Shaun! This weekend was spectacular!!! So much fun, so many awesome friends... It makes me miss warm weather, and people having fun.


This also brings me to Tim friend. The awesome friend I met while eating at House Of Tibet. Never have I made a friend that I clicked with so quickly and loved so much right away!! Now he's moved away but I am very lucky that he's my friend!




Introducing Django to action (not that he gets it)... The first protest was a rally at the capital building against the anti-immigration law proposal. He INSISTED on making his own sign, and getting a stick for it, it was a bunch of pain scribbles and people loved it! He told me it said "don't hate". Later he helped with the carriage horse campaign where he also made his own sign again (traced letters this time). He told me what he wanted the sign to say and made it. He passed out SO MUCH literature it was incredible! We even made him a coloring book to pass out. I love that he did this with me, so awesome!





Disneyland with my family! From Christmas to New Years my WHOLE family went to Disneyland... It was exhausting but SO MUCH FUN! The best part about the whole trip was the look on my Dad's face after we rode Tower Of Terror. Amazing. Other great moments were when Django became a Jedi, and fought Darth Vader. YES!!!



Django's first soccer goal! Watching the little guy play tee ball, and then soccer was such a crazy realization that he's getting bigger. I can't believe he's four now! Things have changed so much in my life with him in it! I don't have a digital picture of him in his soccer stuff but this baseball one is super cute! He was really naturally good at sports, it made me super excited! When he finally GOT soccer he was so into it, maybe a little to much when he started pushing kids out of the way to get the ball. Pretty funny! He also hit the ball from the coach in baseball, not off the tee!



Discovering Glee... It's stupid (I know) so it doesn't really warrant a photo BUT, this was something that brought me together with friends, and consumed my life for the month until I got caught up on it. Sometimes you just need this escape!

Meeting Phil- The internet/ phone best friend I'd made 5 years prior and I FINALLY got to meet! I was seriously so nervous about seeing what he was like "in real life" and being let down but he was everything I expected and more. So sarcastic, compassionate, fun, hilarious, I can't even describe how awesome he is. How much fun I had with him sitting and doing nothing! He's one of the most amazing people I have ever met!



Showing Django NY- This trip was frustrating, confusing, and exhausting but the highlights made it worth it! Showing Django the NY water front, his eyes in times square, getting to introduce him to friends I love, how excited he got over the rats and the squirrels in the city, I can't wait to take him back!!!



5K with Karlin- This was cool, I can't even explain how awesome this was! Not only was it Django's and my Dad's birthday, before the epic Thanksgiving pizza we made but... my sister and I ran a 5K together! She is indirectly responsible for getting me into running, and I was so happy that she is running again! It was a lot of fun, one of the most real moments that we have had together in a really long time. Running has a way of doing that... breaking down your defenses and making everything about it real, and memorable. I will have to find the camera with the pics of my sister and I on it, but this pic is from the same day... of Django running a shorter race, also very cute!



Watching the Descendents on the Philly Pier... everything about this trip was life changing. From seeing friends that I had been disconnected from in years, riding the train and talking to Aaron about veganism, learning that Jeff went vegan... seeing Mike glowing like I had never seen him glow, good food, meeting Phil, running into awesome friends from SLC that I hadn't seen in ages... but standing on a pier watching a handfull of my favorite bands play. The warm air, the crowd, the surrealness of what I was witnessing, where I was, the feeling of that moment I will never be able to duplicate, or forget. It was perfect. I have, and don't need a photo to remember that moment... but if I find my camera I will upload something from that trip.

This year has been long, and eventful. Many other incredible moments took place such as awesome and memorable runs and adventures with Murray- a friend I met that was like no other! Someone who has changed the way I look at running, at cooking, at being a friend, and at life. He's one of the best people I have met in a long time and even though we're not really hanging out any more, I am lucky he's been in my life. Hanging out with Greg- always so much better in real life than over the phone or online, winning "Best Desserts and Sweets" award from City Weekly, aaaah- so many more!!! It's good to remind myself of that right now in the throes of winter when I am feeling my usual seasonal depression, and disinterest in everything. I have seen incredible changes in my family, friends, my little one. I have gotten stronger physically, mentally, and culturally. I have incredible people in my life, and I am eliminating the people and things from my life that are doing nothing positive for me. I can't drag around that dead weight any more. Here's to 2012, let's see what adventures you have in store...

Birthdaaaay! 35...

I have the greatest life, I have the best friends, the raddest kid, my own business, an incredible family... seriously, some days I wake up and pinch myself because it's so amazing!!!

My birthday was so great this year too!!! I woke up, ran the SLC 1/2 Marathon with the most awesome dude in the world (Murray, vegan ultramarathon runner extraordinaire)... although, we started it together and then went our separate ways because he ran the full, and I did not. But it was an awesome way to start my birthday weekend!!! Then food at my current favorite restaurant... Tea Rose Diner! They'll make anything vegan on their menu, and they brought me out a special dessert. I love the owner, and their food is amazing!

Then... Airborne trampoline!!! Dude, this place was so rad! It was a warehouse FULL of trampolines! They went up the walls, and into foam pits! My new friend Tim (who RULES SO MUCH!) Kept throwing all of us into the pit, he's a tough guy!


And here's Shaun, Tim, and I... in my birthday Tutu! I really wish I had worn it during the marathon, I think I am going to next time!!!



Then Shaun and I went to Bike Prom (which was basically, a bunch of drunk hipsters... but still fun)! Bike ride at the end of an exhausting day... love it!



The next day we went to Boondocks! Go karts, slick track, bumper boats, laser tag, video games... FUN OVERLOAD!!! It was seriously SO AWESOME! And Django had a blast, esp. shooting people with water on the bumper boats!



Rows and rows of people I love (who I obliterated on the race track... I think I missed my calling in life, I may go to be the first vegan Nascaar driver).



Then to Himilayan kitchen, and back to my shoppe for cake! Crazy!!! Love it! Life is what happens when you stop worrying about the dumb things in the world, and appreciate what you have!

Re-motivated.

2010 ruled. It was great and I'm looking forward to topping it with 2011, I mean... the world ends in 2012 right? We might as well go out fighting.


I never really thought much about resolutions, if people want to make a change they should just make that change... the end of a calendar year shouldn't promote that but I guess it's a new page for many so this year I am trying to set goals for myself.

More time with Django. This year has been rough with the bakery, and I have not been able to spend nearly enough time with him... that changes somehow. He's helped me bake this week, he's actually getting it too... I measure, he dumps it in, it's super cute!

Music. Traveling and touring need to be in my near future so I need to start playing again. I love the idea of hitting the road with the little one, I think he'd have a blast and I would love to show him the world! My business is getting CLOSER to running with out me, I just need to start trusting people a little bit more. Oh yeah, and get some money somehow first.

Me. I need more time to work out, train for races, run, it's my only sanctuary right now and I don't have nearly enough of it. I'm going to do a half Iron Man this year and it's going to take some training... I have sort of been doing that at night time after Django goes to sleep, or early in the morning.

All these things take so much time.... Maybe I am in for not sleeping, I don't know but I rarely back down to a challenge, esp. when I set it myself. We'll see... I just need to take on less projects, and maybe less activism (yeah right)...

2011, don't fuck with me!

Happy Birthday Django!

Alright, so... things have gotten crazy, and for a while I'd forgotten that I had a blog altogether. Working a 17 hour shift for Thanksgiving almost killed me the other day but now that I am recovered I should reflect on some of the Django cuteness in my life!

Little guy had a birthday! November 24th he turned 3! It's crazy how time flies... It's crazy that this much time has passed and that he's grown bigger and I've grown stronger. He's still my little boy and he keeps expressing that he does not "want to get any bigger" I wonder if he knows 40 pounds is excessive for a 3 year old.

We had his party at Chuck E Cheese (his choice) they let us bring vegan cheese, and he had SUCH a blast. I honestly don't think he cared about the pizza, or his lady bug cake that he'd been asking for for months. He just wanted to play games and get tickets. It was one of the funnest things we've done in a long time!

Lady bug cake I made...


Django in the ticket blaster


Vegan kids insisting on playing the hunting game...


Presents with my Mom...

Thanks to all my awesome friends for coming!!!

Seen and not heard.

I've sat back and bit my tongue... I've remained silent and hurt on the inside because I thought smiling and playing nice would make it vanish, and for a long time it did. But realizing that someone has a pattern of abuse, that I did nothing about makes me angry at myself and angry at everyone who has enabled him.

Yesterday I got an email from "his" most recent ex. Apparently he'd been violent towards her, wrecked her car, spit in her face, strangled her... similar to many of the things I had been through with him. It brought up a lot of repressed memories that would have remained dormant for who knows how long. These are not things that are OK for someone to do to another person... this is not the way a regular human being should act. These are not things I should have allowed to happen, I should have filed restraining orders and police reports, and not fallen for his bullshit because now I find this out...

Many of you know that I am a survivor of attack. It is something that I accept as part of my past, and something that has aided in forming my personality and strength. I knew that he had told many lies about me and assumed he'd told people how "crazy" I am (because that is a typical defense when someone calls you out on shit you don't want to deal with) but finding out that I have been accused of rape is a level of low that I can't even wrap my mind around!!! I was told that he said I "locked the door, and raped (him)" in order to get pregnant. I guess his weeks of grovelling and begging for apologies 6 months ago were caused by the PTSD I gave him from the rape? I found out much later that he had been lying to everyone about not having anything to do with me, while "dating" me in secret... and then telling his room mate that he'd only been using me for sex. What the hell was I thinking?

I'm accused of being dramatic when I have talked about this... that's bullshit, I no longer bite my tongue. Clinton is a fuck. He's a liar, he's violent towards women, and I don't give a fuck who thinks what of me for telling the truth about it. Women should not have to bite their tongues, women should not have to hide their abuse because they're accused of being dramatic. Women should not have to suffer because they loved someone who manipulated them and fucked with their mind so much that they did not know what to believe.

If there were someone who acted this way in your neighborhood you would want to know about it, you would want to know if someone treated women and people in general this way so that could avoid him, but instead he is welcomed into communities. This is a person who has no accountability for his actions because he knows he can tell lies to get out of a situation. He is welcomed into peoples intimate lives by being allowed to tattoo them. He makes the veganism and straight edge look bad for being among us. He uses intimidation tactics to deal with people because he has no coping skills... He is a terrible human being and if you don't know it. You should.

He gets away with it, no longer. Karma will rear her head soon...

I'm over being bitter, I am over being hurt, I am just pissed as hell and I will never fall for his lies again, it's a shame that his lies have been so damaging to my reputation and that I allowed that to happen. My life is amazing now, and everything tragic that has happened along the way has brought me here... but the thought that he will do this again, and again... will keep me up at night. Will keep me regretting that I did not have the strength to stand up to him earlier. That I kept believing his apologies and promises to change. That I did not have the strength to move on and move forward.

I am sure now, more than ever that I have made the right decision with keeping his name off the birth certificate. Django is beautiful, and compassionate and has changed my life... and is the best thing that has come from all of this. But this can't go on... I don't know how, but it needs to end.

Up.

I haven't been posting recently because I have kind of been in a slump. Fearful of what is going to happen to my business now that I have some competition. For some reason things have drastically picked up (to the point that I may need to hire someone) and I'm really excited. Although, I have not worked this much in years!

Veg News asked for product samples to review the "Dillo" line. I am nervous about it, and I hope it happens! That could be HUGE!

I've been thinking a lot about karma and how I let it kick me when I was down for many years because I thought I deserved it. I am happy to say that I finally feel like my debt is paid and it's only up from here!!! I also look forward to seeing how it will unravel itself for other people who deserve its wrath but are unsuspecting.

I work out twice a day 6 days a week, hang out with Django and play, bake things that make people happy, planning an awesome road trip (or maybe a tour of sorts) this summer which will allow me to see a lot of people I miss and love, and triathlon season is coming up... things are turning into everything I ever wanted!!

...

A while ago my accountant told me that a huge reason a lot of businesses fail is because they don't have enough money when they initially start up...

I had a plan... Start small, get established, get coffee shop accounts, move into SLC, and then expand the grocery, and the bakery into a more inviting environment. This past year another bakery has opened, another vegan grocery store, and my profits are down by 10% from last year. My lease is up in April and I am not sure exactly where to go from here.

I was not able to get a business loan due partially to bad credit from a bankruptcy on my record from my debts my ex racked up... the whole thing is so frustrating.

I keep making new plans, coming up with new ideas and ways to save it but the more and more I think about it, the less it feels worth it to pursue anything while I remain in Utah. The thought of working for someone else makes me sick to my stomach though...

It's a great sign that veganism is becoming popular enough that these businesses are becoming more common, but it's bad for a small bakery owner, single parent who is trying to raise a son and make some money with out any assistance from a second party.

This is no way to raise Django, we should not have to go without... I need a new plan. I am heavily contemplating cutting my losses and re-opening only when and where I can get enough money to do so...