...

A while ago my accountant told me that a huge reason a lot of businesses fail is because they don't have enough money when they initially start up...

I had a plan... Start small, get established, get coffee shop accounts, move into SLC, and then expand the grocery, and the bakery into a more inviting environment. This past year another bakery has opened, another vegan grocery store, and my profits are down by 10% from last year. My lease is up in April and I am not sure exactly where to go from here.

I was not able to get a business loan due partially to bad credit from a bankruptcy on my record from my debts my ex racked up... the whole thing is so frustrating.

I keep making new plans, coming up with new ideas and ways to save it but the more and more I think about it, the less it feels worth it to pursue anything while I remain in Utah. The thought of working for someone else makes me sick to my stomach though...

It's a great sign that veganism is becoming popular enough that these businesses are becoming more common, but it's bad for a small bakery owner, single parent who is trying to raise a son and make some money with out any assistance from a second party.

This is no way to raise Django, we should not have to go without... I need a new plan. I am heavily contemplating cutting my losses and re-opening only when and where I can get enough money to do so...

Sicky Sickies...

Django has been sick for over a week now. Four days of which were absolute torture. When you sign up to be a parent, you think about things like how to keep them safe, what to feed them, etc... never did I consider how awful it would be to have to see my son in agony. It tears my heart out to see him suffer like that.

He slept through much of the days and then at night he could not consume anything and when he did it would end up coming out one end or the other. Having him please "help me" and crying every time he saw the silver bowl that he needed to vomit in to made me feel so helpless, so awful. Nobody else was able to comfort him and he insisted in laying on me constantly. 4 nights with no sleep, constant loads of laundry, ten thousand baths, and having to cancel bakery appointments. When I finally was able to get some work done, I was in for it too... Now I am run down, nauseous and tired as hell but little guy still needs me. It's been over a week and he threw up again today.

He's finally keeping food down, getting fluids but his tiny body is all skin and bones. It's scary as hell to see your kid going through something so traumatic. I know it's only the stomach flu but he doesn't understand that it will be ok.

Constantly sanitizing, comforting, trying to keep it together... It really makes me appreciate a lot more what my Mother went through with 5 of us. I'm feeling optimistic about this week, I just hope I get my energy back soon too.