I paid my car payment 3 weeks late yesterday, counted out nickles and dimes to buy Django's new bike, rent is due and I have none, and I have had 3 customers all day...
Why do I live like this? I am doing a lot of cake orders and a lot of wholesale but seriously... it's amazing to me that vegans in SLC don't support vegan business like they do in other cities. I am putting more and more thought and effort into moving... More online wholesale and less roots to SLC.
Sometimes I wonder if this is healthy for Django, my not knowing where the money is coming from... We have always gotten by, and I always have a lot of time with him, which is really the most important thing to me... Having my own business means working my hours and playing with him the rest of the time, it's sort of a dream come true... just stressful at times.
I keep making pro and con lists to collecting child support and how that would benefit him in the long run. I don't know that it would bring in enough money to make a difference and it would be a headache to go through the motions, but does this mean I am depriving Django of money that is rightfully his? Does it mean that I am letting his SD out of his responsibility too easily because I don't want to bring that drama and negativity into our lives? It's a constant battle I have with myself, esp. when it gets to be time to fight for funds and wonder how I am going to put gas into the car...
My sister did all the paperwork and added it up, there would be quite a bit of money owed up to this point... that could buy Django shoes, trips to museums, organic snacks, travels, money in a college fund... I guess I just keep hoping things will take off for me and the bakery and it will never be needed or desired. My hope is that some day he will look back at how hard I have worked for him and us and appreciate how much I love him, and know that we never needed anyone else... He's changed my life, given me so much strength, such a new outlook on life, love, fear... I'm pretty surprised and saddened that the same didn't apply to the provider of the other half of his genetic make up. When I get saddened by that I quickly push those thoughts from my mind and replace them with the reality that I have a beautiful son that I made the decision to let live, and he's more of a miracle every day!!!
I guess I just need to stay strong and keep trying... I'm sure it will be worth it in the end... KG and little Riot against the world!!!
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kelly, you know how i feel about going after child support... i don't think it is worth it. you are doing so awesome on your own, and i know it's hard sometimes, but you will get by. and then just think of what an accomplishment it will be, years from now, looking back on how well you did it, all on your own! i never got a dime from alanna's "dad". and look how we've turned out! owning your own business is hard. it sucks a lot of the time. we know allll about that. danny often worries about if we are gonna be able to pay the bills on time. it just goes with the territory i guess. i wish you much success with whatever you decide to do... maybe move out our way! <3
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