Not sure what the messenger bag is about... it's one of my old army bags that he found in the garage but has been insisting on carrying it around outside because he puts his sidewalk chalk in it.
It's pretty cute to hear him learning new words. He tries to repeat almost everything now (which I need to remember) so I hear him sounding out phrases. He gets the voice fluctuations right but not so much the sounds... it's fascinating though! I honestly look at him and wonder how I ever lived my life with out him, it must have been so empty!!!
Tonight I was lurking through Myspace out of boredom and I decided to look at pics of tattoos that Django's S.D. has done (because I needed something to giggle about) and in the mix was a picture of him... it's weird, I haven't thought about him or looked at him for so long, it caught me off guard and kind of made my heart sink... I didn't want to remember that image. I didn't want to look at it and see anything of him in Django... I didn't want to see that they have the same nose, eyebrows, forehead, chin... I don't want to see him in Django because he doesn't deserve that compliment.
Sometimes I wish I could talk to other women who have been in my position to figure out what the best way to leave it all behind me... I fantisize about moving to Australia and never looking back. Someday I will... I never think about any of it anymore except for at this exact moment. I will just remember how lucky I am right now, and how lucky I was when I didn't know better... and how amazing my little boy is... watching him laugh, and grow... throw his head back and flash a smile bigger than his face. To mimick things I do, to communicate with me, to learn from me... hugs, kisses and belly raspberries (from him, to me... pretty rad!)
The bakery is taking off faster than I know what to do with, he's growing and learning at an alarming rate, I'm finally doing triathlons, my family is amazing... and I'm still in SLC. (Bummer).
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1 comment:
i know that feeling. as alanna get's older, she seems to look more and more like her "dad". it makes me sad. i feel like he doesn't deserve to have a mini version of himself out there, because he never cared about her. i raised her, she should look like me! but that's just not how things work. i recently found out that he is dating someone who i know... who was married to an old friend of mine... so he is still doing a great job at ruining other peoples lives. it made me sick to my stomach. you just have to remember the important things in your life. and it sounds like you have lots of them! <3
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